


The way we feel

by toskyandbeyond



Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Secret Crush, basically see their domesticity evolving through the years, just a bit of angst but mostly fluff, mental health, there's a bit of longing but I won't make you suffer that much
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:48:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26364451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toskyandbeyond/pseuds/toskyandbeyond
Summary: It’s always been like that. Robbe and Sander, through thick and thin. There was not a thing they didn’t go through together. Moreover, they couldn’t even imagine living without each other’s presence.The day they met it was almost like two old souls encountered once again. Like they were meant to find each other.
Relationships: Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans
Comments: 66
Kudos: 185





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Just wanted to let you know before you read that I talk a bit of Mental Health, Depressive Disorder to be specific. In no way I'm trying to imply this is how all people diagnosed with depression should feel/act, as I know each person is different and people don't necessarily share the same symptoms. I'm just stating some of the symptoms that are known to be more common, according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. Okay, i'm leaving now, hope you enjoy!

Robbe was new to the neighbourhood. His mother had decided it was time for a change, and that they didn’t really need such a big house like the one the where living in before, now that his father was out of the picture. 

Honestly? He was okay with it. It wasn’t like he was being taken away from his friends or something alike. He was just seven years old, and even though he did have friends, he knew moving to another neighborhood wasn’t that big of a deal. If he wanted to, he could make new friends.

He was at the park near his house, sitting on the floor while playing with some of his old toys, his mother sitting on a bench nearby, checking on him every once in a while, when he felt a couple of eyes looking at him. He could see from de corner of his eyes there was a kid looking right at him, so he made eye contact just to find out he wasn’t in fact looking _at_ him, but, instead, he was really invested in what Robbe was doing with his toys. 

The kid seemed to notice that Robbe was looking at him so he just smiled and tilted his head. Robbe waved his hand at him and apparently that was enough for the other kid to start walking towards his direction. 

“Hi”, he said as soon as he reached Robbe’s side. He sat on the floor next to him.

Robbe stared at the other boy, trying to comprehend what was happening. He thought the boy didn’t really look much older, because they were the same height. He had brown hair, just like him, or well, maybe a little bit lighter, and was still staring at him.

“I’m Sander, and you are…”, he said while looking at Robbe, waiting for an answer.

“Robbe”, the other one said.

“Robbe… that’s a cute name. I like it”, Sander continued, “how old are you?”.

“I’m seven. How old are you?”, Robbe answered, thinking he liked that boy, because no one has ever complemented his name before, and he liked the feeling.

“Oh, I’m nine, so that means I’m almost an adult, you know?”, he raised his eyebrows as he was telling the most important and amazing thing in the entire word. And it seemed like it, at least for the smaller boy, who was staring at him completely in awe.

“So… you do adult things?”.

“Yeah, mostly”, he raised his brows.

Robbe kept staring at him, not knowing what to do or say. After a few seconds, he decided to continue playing, knowing Sander was still looking at him.

“So… can I play with you? I’m bored and I saw you here alone so I thought you may like to have a friend around”, the older one decided to break the silence.

“Didn’t you say you were an adult? You can go speak with my mom, she’s an adult too”, he said and pointed to where his mother was sitting. She was now speaking with a lady Robbe assumed was Sander’s mom. They seemed to get along pretty well, as they were laughing.

“I said I’m _almost_ an adult, but not yet. So, we can play”.

Robbe decided that was fair and let Sander one of his toys. “I think you said we are friends, right?”.

Sander looked at him, a little shy all of a sudden, “I mean, if you want us to be”.

“Yeah, I want us to be friends”, Robbe answered with a big smile, and it only took that gesture to erase every trace of insecurity he had shown before.

Turns out, that day both of them started what was going to be the most real and strongest friendship they have ever had in their short lifes.

Just like that, they learned they actually lived really close, and that was the reason why they were both at the same park that day. Robbe told Sander he was new to the neighbourhood, and that’s why they hadn’t seen each other before.

Their bond was so strong, they couldn’t stand being apart from each other, missing the other every time they were apart. They spent day after day playing on that same park where they met, making up stories about heroes and princes… well, more like Sander making up those stories, enjoying the way Robbe listened to every word he said, like it was the most mind-blowing stories he had ever heard.

And it was like that. Robbe knew Sander was one of a kind, and he really, really liked him. Even though they had known each other only for a few months, he was certain Sander was the most wonderful creature on Earth. And he was his best friend, no doubt of that.

\----------

When he was nine years old, Robbe understood his father was not coming back. And not only that, but he also came to the conclusion that he was not a good person. Because if that were the case, he would’ve never left his mother, the love of his life, as he once said, because she was diagnosed with a mental illness.

Robbe couldn’t understand how, if they loved each other so much, could he let go of her the minute it all got a little too much for him. Wasn’t love supposed to be the most powerful force of it all? Wasn’t love supposed to be the reason everything felt right at the end of the day? 

Instead, his father decided he couldn’t deal with it anymore. And Robbe decided he would be the one person to stay by his mother’s side, always and forever. 

Some people tended to demonise mental illnesses like they were some kind of virus that turned people into a completely different person, and that from the moment they were diagnosed, everything they did was because of their illness. Meaning that, from that moment onwards, the disease defined them above all.

The second his mother was diagnosed with depression, she stopped being Elise in his father’s head. He didn’t talk about her as the love of his life, that wonderful woman who had a very deep love for flowers and gardening in general, the woman who loved having toasts and coffee for breakfast, the woman who was smiling most of the time and that cared so deeply for her son, the woman who also happened to have depressive episodes, which meant she would have a depressed mood most part of the day, some others she would just sleep through the day, have a lot of appetite or none at all, lose interest in most of things, lose energy, feel guilty or worthless, among other things. Instead, she was just his depressive wife. 

That really angered Robbe, specially because he knew his mother was so much more than that. She was really sweet, she always made sure Robbe had everything he needed, she sang to him when he was a little boy and went on adventures with him all the time. She gave the most amazing hugs on the entire world, and he was sure of that.

Above all, his mother loved Sander almost just as much as Robbe loved him. And that, was everything he needed. They were enough for each other. They were a little family, made of two of the biggest hearts to ever exist.

\----------

On his eleventh birthday, when the party was almost over and everyone was leaving, Robbe asked Sander to stay with him a little longer. He didn’t have anything in mind, he just wanted to be with the older boy, longing for his company.

Deep down, even if the was having fun with the other boys, and they got along really well (to the point where they started calling themselves the broerrrs), he wanted to spend his day with his favourite person.

He waved goodbye to the last one of his friends and turned immediately to face the other boy that was staring at him, waiting for him to say something.

“I missed you”, he said moving towards Sander, a smile on his face, extending his arm so he could reach his shirt and pull him closer.

“You do know I’ve been here the entire time, right?”, Sander moved closer to the other boy, also smiling.

“Yeah… and?”, he was furrowing his brows now.

“Just wanted to be sure. I mean I know I have that effect on people where they just can’t live without me but wow Robbe, with you it’s like a million times stronger”, he had a huge grin on his face and Robbe couldn’t help but laugh.

“Okay, then feel free to go if you want to”, the younger boy looked at him with a defiant look on his face, letting go of his shirt.

“Maybe I don’t want to… and maybe you have that same effect on me too”, it was like he had left all his confidence behind, looking at Robbe with shy eyes.

“Yeah, sure”.

“I mean it” he said and proceeded to sit on the couch. “Come here, please”, he patted his legs and waited for the younger boy to move.

It was not the first time they would be sitting like this. Some years ago, they discovered they fitted better like this, and they liked it even more than sitting next to each other. So, every time they got the chance, Robbe would sit on Sander’s lap, facing him so he could rest his head on the older boy’s shoulder and just stay there, while Sander would hug him really close, creating this safe space both of them knew from an early age they needed, but didn’t know they would find it in a person. And it kind of became their thing.

“Happy birthday, baby”, Sander hugged him even tighter.

“I’m not a baby”, the older boy could feel the other one smiling, even if he didn’t dare to move.

“The day you decide to grow taller than me, maybe. Until then, you will continue a baby”, this time, Robbe was looking at him, trying to hide a smile. “I love you. Happy birthday”.

“I love you more” he felt Sander squeezing him, at that was all the confirmation he needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! So... this is my first time writing fanfic so please bear with me. I know this first chapter is not long, I'm sorry. The thing is I'm SCARED. So take this as an introduction. Probably the next ones will be longer as we get to know more about our boy's dynamic. 
> 
> Above all, thank you for reading this far, I really, really appreciate it. I can't wait for you to read the rest.


	2. Chapter 2

When Robbe was thirteen, he started noticing how everyone at school, specially his friends, would talk all day long about girls. And it wasn’t a big deal for him, he could just ignore his friends’ voices and think about what was important to him.

That led him, every time, to the topic that really concerned him. Sander. Was he also thinking about girls all day long, just as intensely as he would think about him?

One day, while they were laying in Robbe’s bed, Sander brought the topic and it was like Robbe’s worst nightmares came true all at once. He talked about this one girl that would follow him everywhere, try and talk to him, sit beside him at launch, and do annoying things (at least from Robbe’s point of view).

He couldn’t help but feel jealous. Sander was his best friend, and he couldn’t even bear the thought of losing him to some girl. And he told him that. And maybe, just maybe, the way words left his mouth reflected his feelings way to perfectly. And Sander noticed.

“Are you jealous?”, he asked raising his eyebrows.

“What? Are you kidding?”.

“I know that you are though, I don’t need confirmation. I mean just look at you. Your face is completely red. So red It might even explode”.

Robbe knew he was probably right. He could feel himself burning. “And what if I am? I just don’t want you to replace me with some girl you barely know”, he shrugged.

“I get that, but I didn’t say I was following along, did I?”, Robbe just kept staring at the older one, not saying a thing. “I mean, I don’t know what’s her deal, but even if she’s into me or something, it’s not like a feel the same”.

Robbe felt himself relax and Sander snorted looking at the younger boy in disbelief, shaking his head.

“What?”, Robbe looked at him with his eyebrows furrowed.

“I don’t know… I was wondering what your reaction will be like the day I get into a proper relationship”.

“You mean like more than friends?”.

Sander couldn’t believe the other boy’s innocence. “Yes Robbe, of course I mean that”.

“We are too young for that… right?”.

“I’m fifteen”.

“Yeah I know. We are too young”, he said like it was common sense.

“People my age kiss, Robbe. And sometimes even more”.

“What do you mean, ‘even more’?”, Sander smiled and instead of answering, he dug his fingers in Robbe’s hair. That was way more relaxing for him than trying to answer to Robbe’s question.

After a while, he noticed how the boy was still looking at him, waiting. And that was the main problem for Sander. Robbe would always wait for him. Even if Sander wanted to leave the topic behind and just sleep next to Robbe, he knew he couldn’t escape, and that was entirely Robbe’s fault. The brunette had this tendency to stay silent and just listen to Sander like whatever he was saying was the most important thing on planet Earth, just like he did when Sander told him all those stories when they were little. He would look at him with those puppy eyes, without noticing that even if that helped him to get an answer, it was also a very efficient way to kill Sander slowly.

Right in that moment, he was doing that. Looking at him with those eyes of his, just waiting, and trying not to fall asleep due to Sander’s touch on his hair.

“I don’t know Robbe. Like things beyond kissing, or kissing with a little more intention… like kissing, but wanting to do a lot of other things, wanting to be closer to the other person”, Sander couldn’t find another way to explain what he was trying to say, without destroying Robbe’s innocence completely. He couldn’t do that. Robbe’s way of looking at things was one of the many things that made him unique. And he wouldn’t want to lose that.

“Oh… okay, I get it. And would you want to do that?”.

“Now?”.

“I mean, yeah?”.

Even if Sander’s heart was racing, he knew Robbe wasn’t trying to initiate something or provoke him, but he wasn’t using the right words and that was causing him to struggle.

Robbe seemed to notice, because he added right away, “what I’m asking is, have you ever thought of kissing someone?”.

“Yeah”, Sander was now smiling.

“And did you?”.

“Yep”, Robbe knew he was being cocky, and he didn’t like it. Added to that, he didn’t like the thought of Sander kissing someone, or the thought of Sander being kissed.

“Did you like it?”.

“Most of it”.

“Most of it?”.

Sander was getting tired. Talking about this didn’t feel right and he didn’t know why. He couldn’t stand the way Robbe was looking at him, with curiosity, but also a bit of jealousy, maybe because he kissed someone before him, Sander thought, or maybe because they were used to going through everything together, so this was an exception.

“I’m tired”, he moved, trying to fix his posture, deciding he would change the subject, hoping Robbe would be so relaxed by the touch of his fingers on his hair, that he would let the topic die.

And he did, but not because he was actually really relaxed, but because he didn’t want to get into detail.

Robbe adjusted his body so he could be closer to Sander, leaning his head on the other’s shoulder, breathing in his scent, so sweet he wanted to live there forever.

Just as he was ready to let himself fall into the land of dreams, a thought crossed his mind.

“What if a never get kissed”, his head was still on Sander’s shoulder, and he hoped the older one was still awake.

After some seconds, he got a response. “You will, don’t worry”, Sander assured him, bringing the boy’s body closer.

“How are you so sure?”.

“Because if there comes a time when you are really convinced you won’t get your first kiss, then I’ll be there to prove you otherwise”, he moved his arm so he could rest it on Robbe’s belly, as to reassure him.

Contented with the answer, and without knowing how many promises it held, Robbe fell asleep.

Sander, on the other hand, couldn’t. His mind was driving him crazy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again!! So... I'm posting a new chapter soon because this one was as short as Robbe. Let me know what you think! Hope you are having a wonderful day/afternoon/night. Thank you for reading!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Just here to tell you that what's in italics it's a memory. Enjoy!

At the age of seventeen, Sander came into terms with a lot of things that kept him up at night.

First of all, he decided he was going to be an artist. He loved spray painting and drawing, as he considered them as ways for him to canalize and release energy, and express those feelings he couldn’t put into words.

Art helped him when he was anxious, sad, happy, and every time he felt like things where getting a bit too much to handle. Art was his way of portraying everything he loved and cared about, and also everything he feared. It was his way of keeping things with him, close to his heart, whenever his mind seemed to race and try to leave him behind.

He was sure. He wanted to do that for the rest of his life.

That same year, he was accidentally introduced to David Bowie, as it was sounding on the radio on his way home. From that day on, he decided he would listen to every single song of his. He loved the way he felt himself flying out of this world whenever he listened to it, and declared himself Bowie’s biggest fan, letting everyone know that.

He also realised he didn’t want to label himself when talking about his sexuality. He just knew he liked people, a lot, and that was enough. That’s how he started dating, trying to figure things out.

The only thing that was clear to him from day one when thinking about his love life, was that he didn’t want anything too serious. It wasn’t like he was uncapable of compromising, but he didn’t want his heart broken. He wanted to protect it for as long as he could, so when those dates started to turn into something more serious, or every time he could feel the other person was catching feelings, he just left.

Deep down he knew why he acted like that. He knew his heart was being taken care of by an innocent boy who knew nothing about what his mere presence could cause in him. At least he was really unaware of the way Sander felt towards him.

He couldn’t blame him though, because ever since they were little kids, Sander had treated Robbe like he was the most precious thing in his life, which he was, so the day he found out he liked Robbe in a way that was beyond friendship, the way he acted towards him didn’t change that much. Yes, maybe he kept looking at him for a little longer than usual, maybe he did find everything Robbe said amusing and hilarious, even if in reality it wasn’t _that_ funny, and maybe he kept thinking about him over and over, but it wasn’t something notorious, or at least he hoped so.

He didn’t want the younger boy to learn about his feelings, because he was afraid that it would ruin everything they had built together, and that was one of the reasons why he dated so much, so he wouldn’t suspect.

It wasn’t like he was afraid of being rejected or left alone, Robbe had a golden heart and acting like that would be really out of character for him, but he didn’t want to make things uncomfortable between them.

He knew that the way they acted with each other, like they were attached to the hip, always gravitating towards each other, was something rare, or at least something most would dream of finding. And he found it when he was just nine years old. He couldn’t lose that.

He wanted Robbe in any way he would allow him to, even if that meant hiding his feelings, because he knew just a little something, was better than nothing. And that little something was still a lot.

Robbe loved him with all of his heart, he was aware of that. The boy would always make sure he was okay, even if that meant waking up in the middle of the night, just to find a message from Sander asking if he could go to his house so he could sleep, because lately it seemed like the only way he would get a good sleep was by being held by the boy.

Robbe even developed this habit where he would touch Sander to reassure him, whenever he felt like the older one was having a rough time. He would touch his hand, his hip, his waist, wherever he could reach, just to let him know he was right there, beside him.

Sander realised Robbe was his person the day he was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. That day, he felt like he could finally put into words some things he didn’t fully understand about himself. It was, somehow, a relief. After struggling for many years with wrong diagnosis, and after hearing what his therapist explained about the disorder, it finally made sense.

What he didn’t like, was the way some people would, since that day, blame every move he made that was considered a bit “excessive” or “intense” for their liking, on his disorder. Or the way they would dismiss his intents of talking about what made him sad or upset. If they saw him crying, it was because he was sick. If they saw him a bit ‘too excited’, then it was because of his disorder. And that’s how a lot of things he said or did, were wrongly read, misjudged, or just not taken seriously.

Of course, he had some people in whom he could trust. Robbe was one of them. He was the most important of them, in Sander’s eyes.

The day Sander told Robbe what the therapist had told him, he couldn’t help but cry. He felt a mix of fear of what he would say, of what he would think of him, but also relief, after Robbe told him the diagnosis didn’t change anything for him, because he was so much more than that, and then proceeded to tell him everything he loved about him, and all the things that made him unique.

Sander was sure Robbe did search about Bipolar disorder, since he would notice how the younger one could tell when he was going into an episode, and how he would try to help not only by being with him, but also by giving him space when he needed it.

Most importantly, he would just let him be, adoring the strong way Sander tended to feel, just like emotions where exploding out of him, knowing that was his way of loving. He knew it wasn’t the Bipolar disorder, it was Sander. He was like that. And it was perfect that way. Sander was amused by how Robbe would let him be, without feeling like a burden.

Robbe was ready to go hand in hand with him in every little adventure, through his highs and lows. He wanted to experience everything with him, and be there in every one of Sander’s memories.

That’s why he said yes the second Sander asked if he would help him bleach his hair.

_“You know what would be great?”, he asked. They were sitting on Robbe’s bed, eating some snacks._

_“Yeah… some of those cookies I saw while buying these snacks”, he sighed, “I don’t know why I didn’t buy them, now I want them so bad I don’t know if I’ll ever stop thinking about it”, he said while he laid down on bed dramatically._

_“Well I was thinking of something a bit more drastic. A change”, Sander smirked at him._

_After a few seconds thinking about Sander’s words, Robbe spoke, “Okay. I have no idea what you are talking about… but I’m with you. I want a change too, and I also have something to propose”._

_“Okay then…”, Sander said while sitting upright, “when I say three, we have to say it at the same time, okay?”, he was getting really excited, “One… two… three”._

_“I’m moving my bed”._

_“I’m bleaching my hair”._

_“What?”, they said at unison._

_“What do you mean, ‘I’m moving my bed’?”, Sander was really lost._

_“Yeah…”, he burrowed his brows, “I thought it would be a great idea to move it so it can be right in front of the window. That way I can see the sky and the stars every time I want to”, Robbe said a bit disappointed, after comparing his idea to Sander’s._

_“I love that”, Sander moved close to him, lying down beside him._

_“Yeah?”._

_“Absolutely”._

_Robbe smiled and looked at the ceiling, content with his idea._

_“So… you said you wanted to bleach your hair?”, he looked at Sander, intrigued._

_“Yeah… I mean I’m not completely sure yet but-”_

_“Do it. It’ll look great”, Robbe’s eyes where twinkling._

_“You think so?”, the older one couldn’t help but feel happy with Robbe’s excitement._

_“I’m sure. It’ll suit those vibes you are going for”, he touched Sander’s stomach to tease him a bit more, “and you will look pretty”. He tried so hard not to blush. He really did (and failed)._

_“Am I not pretty enough already?” Sander said, fluttering his eyelashes, looking at Robbe with a smirk._

_“You know I think you are pretty”, Sander could tell Robbe was trying to hide his blush, because he didn’t make eye contact when he said those words. The only thing that gave Sander the confidence he needed was the smile he could see plastered on Robbe’s face._

_“Well Robbe, thank you, I think you are gorgeous”, he moved a strand of the younger’s hair, trying to get his attention. Robbe made eye contact with him, and that’s when Sander got this strange feeling, that maybe that spark he saw in Robbe’s eyes was something else._

_Before things got a bit too much to handle for him, Sander coughed and pulled at Robbe’s shirt._

_“Does this mean you’ll go with me to get the supplies we need?”, Robbe smiled at him as an answer._

_They bought everything they needed to bleach Sander’s hair and, of course, those cookies Robbe was talking about. He almost torn Sander’s shirt apart by pulling on it to get them to the aisle where all the cookies where._

_Once again at Robbe’s house, they watched some videos to try and learn how to bleach hair without ending up bald. When they decided they had watched enough and that they more or less knew what they were doing (not really), they moved to the bathroom, in case it ended up being a disaster and they had to clean the mess._

_They brought a chair so Sander could sit while Robbe did most part of the job. They could’ve done everything with Sander standing, but Robbe decided to bring a chair before the older one started to tease him about their height difference and how the boy couldn’t even reach his head, calling him a baby. He had teased him with that since forever and it seemed like he wouldn’t stop anytime soon. At least until Robbe’s body decided to magically grow taller than him._

_“Robbe I can’t see a thing sitting here so you better know what you are doing”, Sander turned to face Robbe. The mirror was too high now for him to be able to look._

_“Shhh Sander, let an expert do the job”, Robbe was holding all the elements in his hands, trying not to let them fall._

_“You look so unsure I would laugh if it wasn’t my hair we are dealing with here”, Sander snorted and turned again, so Robbe would be able to do what he was supposed to._

_Robbe looked at Sander’s hair and prayed for everything to turn up right, or at least presentable. He took a strand of hair and hoped for the best._

_After a few times trying to get it right, he told Sander he could now wash his hair, but the moment he stood up, Robbe decided it was better if he took care of that, just so he could see beforehand what he had done._

_He washed Sander’s hair, massaging the bleach out, and also trying to relax Sander by doing that, to prevent him passing out if pieces of hair started falling down. Okay, yeah, maybe he was overreacting a little bit._

_Once that part was over, he blow-dried Sander’s hair, and oh boy, he was taken aback. It was a change, indeed. He looked gorgeous, stunning, out of this world and straight out of one of those stories about princes Sander used to tell him when they were kids. Robbe was in so much trouble._

_“I’m scared. And your face is not helping”, Sander was facing Robbe, afraid to turn around and look at the mirror._

_Robbe clothed his mouth, smiling, trying not to give away everything he was feeling right at that moment so easily, “It’s not bad I promise”._

_“Then why did you have that look on your face?”, now Sander was smiling too._

_“It’s just… different”, he took the older one by his shoulders and forced him to turn around. He burst out laughing the moment he saw Sander looking at himself in the mirror. He looked confused, one of his eyebrows raised._

_“Oh lord… yeah it’s different. I look like Draco Malfoy, Robbe”._

_“But don’t you love a little magic, Sander?”, he hugged him from behind and rested his chin on his shoulder. Sander was still looking at his hair. “I love it Sander, really. It looks good, I promise”._

_“Well… I think I need to get used to it first, and then we’ll see if I keep it”._

_Robbe was having a dilemma. On one side, he was hoping he did, because he looked beautiful. On the other side, he knew he wouldn’t be able to contain the look on his face, or at least the way his face would blush just by seeing the older boy looking like that._

_The answer came two days later, in the form of a message._

_“It’s staying. I look fucking amazing”._

_Robbe smiled at his phone. Yeah, he looked handsome, and Robbe was so gone for him even if he wasn’t really conscious of it just yet._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this far! You make me really happy... I'm dying for the comments and I love reading your theories, so if you want to, keep them coming. Let me know what you think! Hope you are having a really nice morning/afternoon/night. See you next chapter!


	4. Chapter 4

Robbe had always been aware of Sander’s beauty. He was enchanted by it. He knew people turned their heads just to look at him a little longer, because he did too.

Ever since he was a little kid, he would have these moments where his heart would stand still just by looking at him. Those days he would feel like he was friends with a prince. And he would lose track of what he was saying, because how was he even real?

It wasn’t until they were both grownups, Robbe being sixteen and Sander eighteen, that the younger one started paying special attention to Sander’s details. He started looking at Sander with other eyes, feeling so bad for doing that without his best friend knowing.

He realised it was something special the night Sander fell asleep on his couch, while Robbe was doing his homework. The older one said he would wait awake for Robbe, but the boy wouldn’t leave things unfinished, and by the time he was done with his papers, Sander was snoring.

Robbe tried to wake him up by caressing his arm, but it seemed to relax Sander even more, because he let out a sigh of content. He smiled unconsciously and Robbe found himself smiling too, while he wondered what his dreams where about.

He couldn’t leave him there, though, even if he enjoyed the view, mostly because Sander looked so peaceful… and Robbe didn’t want to take that away from him. But he couldn’t. If he did, the following morning Sander would wake up with back pain and also a bit lost, not having Robbe beside him like they were used to.

“Sander”, he whispered, trying to wake him up without scaring him. “Sander… please?”

“Mhmm?”, he turned around on the couch.

“Are you coming with me?”

“Where?”, he opened one eye to look at Robbe and then closed it again.

“My room? My bed?”, Robbe pulled a little at his pants, trying to move his legs. Luckily, they were already dressed to sleep.

“Okay”, he stood up slowly in front of Robbe, eyes still closed. “Carry me”, he stretched his arms so he could reach Robbe’s body, and once he did, Robbe scooting a bit closer, he hung his arms on the boy’s neck.

Robbe smiled at him, “So you are not willing to help me, even if it means us falling the minute I pick you up”, Sander opened his eyes at that.

“You can try…”, he tilted his head to the side and that was everything Robbe needed to try and pick him up. Sander helped him by jumping a little, and then he wrapped his legs around Robbe’s waist. “Look how the tables have turned”, he smirked at the smaller one, trying not to sound so sleepy, hearing the small laugh Robbe let out. He tightened his grip and rested his head on Robbe’s shoulder, breathing him in.

Once he entered the room, Robbe moved closer to his bed so he could leave Sander there, but it seemed like Sander had other plans because when Robbe tried to let go, the now bleached one, wrapped his legs even tighter, taking Robbe with him, making them both fall.

Robbe laughed and took advantage of the moment and how close they were to look at Sander’s eyes. They had that strange and so calling colour, green like grass, a bit of blue like the ocean, and also grey, like the clouds when it’s about to rain. They represented everything Robbe was in love with. Or maybe he was just in love with those eyes. Or the boy with those eyes.

He then looked at all of his moles, tracing them with his fingers, completely lost in them. Sander was aware of what Robbe was doing, and he let him, closing his eyes to enjoy the moment, knowing that right in that second, they were both floating in the bubble they had created over the years. His legs where now stretched, under Robbe’s little body, arms hugging him, as to make sure he wouldn’t leave him.

Robbe’s fingers were still on his face, moving around like he was trying to memorise every detail, every faction, like he was trying to memorise him. His touch was so tender and soft, he wanted to stay there forever, having this kind of intimacy only with him.

Robbe stopped once his fingers reached Sander’s lips. They were so puffy and pink, he wanted to taste them, or see how far he could go without Sander moving or asking him to stop. He had never had those thoughts, at least not with Sander.

The thing is, he was still struggling with his sexuality, or at least with finding a way to say out loud what he was feeling. Even if deep down he knew what he wanted, that didn’t make it easier for him, taking into account his friends only talked about girls, kissing them, having sex with them, and all that stuff that, from his perspective, didn’t seem appealing at all. He knew he would rather do all that with a guy. Which one? That’s what he didn’t know.

For a long time, he had a crush on this one guy that kept spending time with him, but it turned out he was just using Robbe’s kindness to get close to one of his girl friends. Robbe knew it was a stupid crush, so he overcame it. At least it helped him discover what he wanted and what he liked.

After that, he tried to speak with his friends, Jens being the only one that took the matter seriously, that believed what he was implying. That’s how he developed another crush, one that now, looking back, he could refer to as the most irrational of all. He thought he was in love with his friend. They spent so much time together, and they grew so close, it was almost impossible for him not to. Jens seemed to be always aware of his presence, he made him feel right on his skin, always looking after him and droving him into his plans.

This crush, however, created some kind of tension between Robbe and Sander. The older one, without any doubt, didn’t like Jens. At all. He would complain of the amount of time Jens was taking away from him, time he wanted Robbe to spend with him. They had some fights over that, Sander trying to hang on to his best friend, feeling he was losing him, and Robbe trying to hang on to that other feeling he thought was love.

At the end of the day, it wasn’t. Turns out he was in love with the feeling of finally being seen. Once he was ready to do so, he tried talking with Sander about that, and it saddened the older one. He assured him he really loved him, and had always seen him. The problem was that, from Robbe’s point of view, Sander didn’t know what he was talking about. He knew Sander was always by his side and he felt really lucky to have him. But when he said he felt seen, he meant it in another way.

Even if he misread Jens’ signs, he learned he wanted to be perceived as attractive to someone. That’s the way he meant. With Sander, even if sometimes he felt like maybe there was something, things were different. He knew Sander found him pretty, but that was it, because then he would be with other people and find them pretty too, and, unlike how it was with him, he would kiss them. It was really hard for Sander not to find things beautiful, he was an artist to his core, so Robbe understood why he would be with all those people. He knew Sander loved complementing people and sometimes those compliments could seem a bit flirty. It was his way of communication. He was also really touchy, but that was just his way of showing he was there.

Another thing was Sander only dated for a few weeks, and then it was over. He had told Robbe he wasn’t looking for a long-term relationship, at least with the people he dated. Unlike him, Robbe wanted a full love story, everlasting, like the ones he saw on the movies. He didn’t want to experiment with different people, he just wanted to find his person and stick with it, to pour his heart, body and soul, everything he was, into one person. He yearned for someone to love him in full force, to love him beyond friendly barriers, he wanted to be touched, kissed, embraced, taken care of. He craved devotion.

In that moment, seeing Sander under him, eyes closed, like he was enjoying the moment, so vulnerable, trusting completely in Robbe, he wanted to kiss him. He wanted to demonstrate to him how it was possible to love and be loved in return, despite his fears. He wanted to show him how, even if he misperceived his feeling for those other boys, he was sure about this. He was in love with Sander, and maybe had been for a long time. Maybe all those other crushes were just the result of him making excuses not to realise the love of his life had been sitting beside him all these years, or maybe he was afraid his feelings weren’t going to be reciprocated, which was really likely considering what Sander believed love to be. For the taller one, love was such a strong feeling, it made him tremble. What Robbe didn’t know, was how much of an earthquake he created around Sander’s world.

It might have taken him a long time to gather the guts to do so, because a moment later, Sander, with his eyes still shut, closed the distance so their noses touched, caressing him with the most featherlike touch. They were so close physically, yet, in Robbe’s mind, so far in regard to heartstrings, their feelings for one another.

“I like this”, Sander whispered.

“What?”, Robbe rubbed his nose against Sander’s.

“Being like this with you. I feel really protected down here. You are comfy…”, he opened his eyes, “… and warm”, he adjusted his position, moving Robbe along with him. “How do you feel?”

“I feel…”, _in love_ he thought, “… sleepy”, he said, “and happy”.

“Mhmm me too”.

After a moment, Sander decided to ask, “what were you thinking?”

“When?”, Robbe fixed Sander’s hair, moving a string to the side so he could see his eyes.

“Like two seconds ago. You went silent for at least five minutes… I’m not complaining though, I almost fell asleep again”.

“Oh, that”, Robbe smiled nervously.

“Yeah, that”, he chuckled.

“A lot of things... The most important of them, how much I like your eyes”. Well, maybe it was not the _most_ important thing, but it was something that took his breath away. To be fair though, Sander’s whole being took his breath away.

“I love yours. I could get lost in them and I wouldn’t ask for saving”, Robbe laughed at that. Sleepy Sander wasn’t any less flirty than wide awake Sander.

“Okay now you are making fun of me”.

“I’m not, Robbe, I swear. I may be a bit drowsy right now, but I know what I’m talking about. And trust me when I tell you, those doe eyes of yours will be the death of me. They are my favourite think to draw”.

“Really?”

“One hundred percent honest”.

“Thank you”, Robbe bit his bottom lip, trying to contain his smile. He was blushing so hard, he hid his face in the crook of Sander’s neck. Sander took that opportunity to caress Robbe’s neck, tugging at his hair, bringing him impossibly closer.

“Thank you for carrying me here. I’ll pay you back tomorrow”, Sander whispered.

“Yeah? How’s that?”

“I’m making breakfast for two”.

“Okay, deal”, he slipped from above Sander, landing next to him.

Before he could move any further, Sander grabbed his waist and pull him closer, “I need you close to me, otherwise I won’t be able to sleep, and you don’t want that if you want to have a nice breakfast. I need to get a good night’s sleep if I want to enchant you with my cooking skills”.

“I’m already enchanted, sir”, Robbe smiled and moved so he could be hugged by Sander’s whole body.

His heart was aching, shouting with all of its strength, _please, believe me. I’m already yours._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!! I'm sorry it's been like eight days... Let me tell you something about myself: sometimes I feel a lot like Robbe and other times I feel a lot more like Sander, so that's why I tend to write considering both points of view. I want to show you the way both of them feel for eachother as you may have noticed already.
> 
> That being said, I want to thank all of you who read, leave comments and/or kudos, you make me feel really happy and loved, so yeah THANK YOU because you are my safe space and I feel like I really need that right now. 
> 
> I hope you are having a great morning/afternoon/night!!


	5. Chapter 5

It became a habit for them to make breakfast together every time they had a sleepover at one of their houses. That, meaning Sander was the one cooking, and Robbe the one making sure everything was clean afterwards.

After a few tries, Sander decided Robbe’s attempts at cooking were a threat to his kitchen (and Robbe’s). He just wasn’t made for that. Whenever he tried to impress Sander with his cooking skills, they ended up buying food at a coffee shop nearby, both of them acknowledging that what they were trying to eat was either tasteless or spicy as fuck, burned or not even cooked at all.

Because of that, the older one offered Robbe to be the one in charge of cleaning, knowing the boy would like that, given the amount of times he had heard him complaining about the mess he would leave after cooking. Sander was the kind of person to make a mess of the place, even if he was just trying to make a sandwich. He didn’t know how, but every time he was done cooking, the kitchen was almost unrecognizable because of the amount of ingredients and utensils everywhere, including them being covered in whichever ingredient they were using that day.

In other words, they found a way to complement each other when cooking, just as they did with everything else. That way, things were easier.

That day, they were at Sander´s house. They had been awake for a bit too long, but were too lazy to actually move and start their day.

“Are you coming with me?”, Sander asked Robbe, suddenly deciding he wanted to make some breakfast.

“No… I don’t think I will”, Robbe whispered while stretching. “I’m tired”.

“Robbe, I’m hungry”, he cried.

“Then go to your kitchen, and make us something to eat”, he smiled and closed his eyes, prepared to wait for him to come back with food in that exact same position. He wasn’t in the mood to stand up and move, basically. Besides, Sander’s bed was beyond comfortable and it had his scent all over it, and that relaxed him more than he was willing to accept. It was a perfect plan for him. There was no doubt in his head, he was staying there.

“Okay. Let me rephrase what I said”, Sander stood up. “You are one hundred percent coming with me. It’s not a question anymore”.

Robbe laughed. “Yeah… no, it’s not happening. I’m sorry”, he turned away from Sander and covered himself with the blankets completely.

“Okay, as you wish. You’ll regret it though”, Sander said and apparently left the room, closing the door behind him.

The moment he heard the door closing, Robbe removed the blanket from his head, just to double check Sander was actually gone. He looked around the room and he wasn’t there, so he returned to his previous position, under Sander’s blankets.

Just as he was starting to wonder if the older one was really mad at him, he felt something, more like _some hands_ removing the covers and grabbing his waist, in a move too swift for a sleepy Robbe to process what was happening.

“Did you really think I was going to do all the cooking _and_ cleaning, and leave you here sleeping on your own?”, Sander was carrying him towards the bedroom door, Robbe’s head facing the floor, his legs hanging in Sander’s front and his belly on the older one’s shoulder.

“Why are you being so mean to me?”, he cried, letting his arms hang, knowing Sander was not going to let him go. “Where were you hiding, though? I checked the room”.

“Robbe you barely moved your eyes to do so. I was on the floor, you just didn’t lift your head enough to see me”, he closed his bedroom door behind them and headed to the kitchen.

“Ha. So funny. Are you happy now?”, he kicked Sander’s butt, because it was the only thing he could reach hanging like that.

“I am, thank you very much”, he smiled, satisfied. Of course, Robbe couldn’t see that.

“Okay. You can let go of me now”, he said once they arrived to the kitchen.

Sander got close to the counter and left Robbe sitting there. The boy couldn’t stay still so he tried to grab some chocolate chips the moment he saw Sander putting them on the table. Immediately, Sander’s hand was grabbing his.

“Don’t. Fucking. Dare”, he looked him dead in the eye and once he had everything he needed to make them something to eat, he turned away, his back now facing the younger one.

“Then why did you drag me here?”, he started to move his legs, as they were hanging from where he was sitting.

“I like your company, like to have you around”, he turned to look at him again. “Besides, that’s our thing. You clean, I cook”.

“Fine… then let’s talk about something”.

“Okay. What do you want to talk about?”, he was preparing some croques, because they were his specialty, and also Robbe’s favourite.

“Mhmm”, as he was thinking about something they hadn’t talked about yet, an idea came to mind, “some days ago Jens-”

Sander chuckled. “No. It’s not happening”, Robbe could see him shaking his head.

“What?”, he stopped moving his legs.

“Don’t bring him into our conversation, please”.

Robbe jumped off the counter and walked closer to Sander.

“Oh, please Sander, I thought we were past this”, he grabbed his wrist, trying to get him to look at him.

“Well, maybe we are. But that doesn’t mean I like to talk about him. Not right in front of my croques”, he pointed at them like it was something obvious.

“You know even if a meet a million different boys, you are still the one, right?”, Robbe squeezed his wrist.

“It didn’t seem like that sometime ago”, he complained, now looking at the younger one.

“Sander, I was _in love_. Or at least that’s what I thought”, he let go of him.

“So you just ditched me because you found a love interest?”.

“I feel like you are overreacting a little, but if that’s how you felt then I’m sorry. I told you already I was thrilled because it felt like it was a shared feeling, and that’s probably what clouded my mind. I didn’t mean to make you feel left alone. I would never in a million years think about doing that”.

Robbe new talking about Jens was still something that hurt and brought memories of them they would prefer to erase. However, that was not possible, and the only way for them to heal, was talking about it. What Robbe did regret though, was bringing up the topic all of a sudden, without Sander knowing he was going to.

He heard Sander sigh, so he hugged him from behind, resting his chin on his shoulder.

“I know. I’m sorry. Yes, I did overreact”, his head was down. “I don’t know why I said that, I’m sorry”, he turned his head a little so he could kiss Robbe’s temple.

They stayed that way for a moment, and Robbe decided it was best to just let it go.

“It’s okay. It’s the jealousy talking”, once he said that, he let go of him, trying to return to his spot.

“What did you just say?”, Sander turned once again just to look at Robbe in awe.

“Nothing”, he smiled and hoped on the counter, deciding to give them a break and just play along. “You can’t bear the thought of me being really intrigued by the vibe of another boy”, he whispered, while pretending to look after something on the floor.

“You know I can hear what you are saying, right?”.

“I know. Go ahead, tell me I’m wrong”, he challenged him.

“You are wrong. I like to know you hang out with good people. And I barely know him, that’s it”, he started walking towards him.

“What are you? My dad?”.

“I mean no… but if you are into that kind of stuff then…”.

Once he was close to him, he rested his hands in Robbe’s thighs. In return, the smaller one locked his legs around him.

“Is this your attempt at flirting?”, his brows furrowed.

“I don’t do that”.

“You don’t do what”.

“I don’t flirt”.

“Oh, so how do you get people to date you”.

“Once they meet me, it’s over for them. It happens every time… I was born with that gift you know? It doesn’t matter who, the minute someone locks eyes with me, they are falling for me. One hundred percent guaranteed”.

“Ninety nine percent, you mean”.

“Why is that?”.

“I’m the one percent left”, he pulled him closer with his legs, and hung his arms around his neck.

“How can you be so sure?”.

“I just am”, he smirked.

“Are you challenging me?”, he scooted closer.

“Are you up for it?”, he caressed Sander’s nose with his.

It was unclear what they were doing or what was about to happen, and it remained like that because a second after Robbe spoke, there was a slam on the door, that seemed to pop their bubble.

“I’m home”, Sander’s mother sang.

“Hi mom, we are here”, Sander said, making some space between them, as Robbe let go of him.

“Oh, hey guys”, she entered the room and headed towards Robbe. “How are you sweetie?”, she kissed his head.

To be honest, Robbe was like a son to her, just as Sander was like a son to Robbe’s mother. They had been best friends almost their entire life, so it was almost inevitable for her to grow fond of him. The boy was such a sweet and beautiful being, she was glad his son got to spend time with him. She knew Sander was being taken care of the way he deserved.

“I’m great, a bit tired”.

He was trying to hide the way he was blushing because of what Sander had done minutes before she arrived. He was confused not only by his best friend’s attitude, but also because of the way he acted himself. Since when was he brave enough to flirt back so openly with Sander? He was used to him being all around him, almost invading completely his personal space, but that was Sander, it was his way of showing affection. Now, him trying to follow along the game? That was new.

“I get that. I heard you two laughing last night and it was pretty late”, she approached Sander and tousled his hair. “I guess you were having a good time”, she looked at him with a soft smile.

“I’m sorry mom”.

“You don’t need to apologise for that, you know I’m a fast sleeper. What you do need to apologise for is for ruining my favourite pan”, she looked behind him.

“What?”, Sander was confused.

“The thing you are cooking has been burning for a long time now. I could even smell it from outside the house”, she laughed. Immediately, Sander turned and found out his croques were now just pieces of charcoal.

“Fuck”, he grabbed them and tossed them in the bin.

“It seems like you got distracted”, his mother said, laughing a little at his son’s reaction.

“Yeah Sander, what where you doing that was more fascinating than cooking?” Robbe asked with a mischievous look on his face.

“You tell me, Robbe. As long as I can tell, we were both here”.

“You know I don’t cook… I thought you were trying something new with what you were doing”.

“And that was…?”

“Trying to see how long you can go without burning”, he was clearly not talking about the food. “Guess you lost the challenge”, he raised his eyebrows, his legs moving being the only thing that could give away how nervous he actually was because of his attempt at flirting, right in front of Sander’s mother.

“Who said it was over?”, he looked at him from head to toe, showing him an innocent smile.

“You know what? I feel like you two are speaking a different language here so I’ll go and buy something for you to eat”, Sander’s mom looked at them both and then grabbed the keys and her purse and left the room.

“Thank you”, they shouted.

Once they were alone again, something felt different. Neither of them was saying a thing. Robbe looked for something to clean as a way to distract himself and stop thinking about Sander and the way his hands laid on his thighs earlier. Even if he had done that before, he didn’t know why, but it felt different. However, he could be imagining it all. It wouldn’t be the first time.

“What do you want to do after this?”, Sander broke the silence.

“Mhmm?”

“Do you want to go out or stay here?”, he handed Robbe some plates.

“I’ll do whatever you want to do”, he took advantage of how close Sander was to bump his hip.

“I want to cuddle”.

“Okay, we can do that”.

“Yeah?”

“Sure”, Robbe saw him smiling really satisfied with himself and his plans, so he decided to put a condition, “as long as you come with me to the park tomorrow and meet the boys”.

“Oh, I get it now. You are using my weakness to your advantage. Nicely played”.

“Please elaborate on that, sir”, he tilted his head to the side.

“You know I’m in the mood for your cuddles and I can’t say no to whatever you want if that guarantees me getting a good sleep, with you by my side. Do you understand what I’m saying if I put it like that?”.

“Yeah, that way is clearer”. Maybe he got it the first time, but it was always nice to hear Sander explain how much he loved to be held by him. “So?”.

“Robbe I have already met them”, Sander cried, pouting at him.

“I meant have a proper conversation with them, engage, bond as one”, he laughed in the middle of the sentence.

“Fuck you”.

“Is that a yes?”, he was nearly jumping of excitement. Even if Sander had met them before, it was always in a rush, or in occasions where Sander just didn’t want to engage in a conversation.

“It’s a ‘I know you are fucking with me, but I’ll do it because I kind of like you’”.

“It works for me”.

Robbe set all of the things he was cleaning aside, and headed to Sander’s bedroom. When he turned around, he saw Sander was leaning on the counter, apparently too caught up in his thoughts to follow him.

Robbe returned to the kitchen and grabbed Sander by the hand. As he saw the older one was not moving, he decided to drag him with him.

“We are done here”, his back was facing Sander as he guided him to his room.

The comment brought back Sander.

“I think we were supposed to eat”, he laughed.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure your mom will leave the food there. I told you the minute you asked me to stand up I was really sleepy, and now that you burnt our breakfast, I think you also need to sleep”, Robbe returned to the side of the bed he named as his a long time ago.

“That was your fault”, Sander imitated the boy’s actions. They didn’t need to change clothes, as they were using the same briefs and shirts they woke up with.

“Pff how can it be my fault when you were the one cooking?”.

“You distracted me with all that flirting”, once Robbe was laying there, he hugged him and rested his head on his chest. “I didn’t know you had it in you. I mean you never flirted back”.

“I’m learning”, he simply said.

“Well, you did good”.

“Are you in love already?”

“Head over heels”.

“Great then, that was the goal”, he hugged him back, almost squishing him.

They both felt asleep, without knowing they were both thinking about the same thing: _what is happening?_

The same way Sander couldn’t believe Robbe had finally made a move and flirted back, Robbe couldn’t understand what was going on with him, or what had changed for him to be so straightforward.

The same way Robbe was thinking about his feelings and the possibility of opening up to Sander, who already knew about his sexuality, the artist was wondering if maybe it was time to tell the boy how he felt about them.

They say communication is the key, but who is brave enough to speak the truth first?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! This chapter is meant to bring you a little bit of happiness or calm after the mess this new season is. I still can’t believe what they are doing and the way they are handling such important topics, I’m really sorry for all of us.
> 
> In case you need to speak with someone, I’m on tumblr (petitrobbe). I’m a no one on the site, meaning I don’t repost nor do I post (sorry), but I felt the need to put my user out here (yes I’m kind of giving myself out with this), in case you are a ghost like me and need/want to talk to someone about anything. I promise I will 100% answer, and no, you won’t be bothering me. Come speak to me if you feel like it! Even if we learn nothing from this season, at least we can make some friends.
> 
> Okay, that’s enough of me talking. Let me know what you think of this chapter! I hope you have a wonderful morning/afternoon/night. THANK YOU for the kudos, the comments, and above all thank you for reading and sticking with me. See you!


	6. Chapter 6

The following day Robbe went to pick up Sander. Even if they could have used their bikes, they decided it was better if they walked their way to the park, since it was not that far and it would allow them to speak a little of what was about to happen.

Even if it seemed like a simple gathering with friends, Robbe was afraid Sander would make it really obvious that he wasn’t too fond of them. He was fidgeting with his hand while walking, trying to make up a plan in case everything went south.

“Your hands are doing the thing”, Sander said, serious, looking straight ahead.

“Mhmm?”, Robbe looked at him.

“The thing you do when you are nervous or thinking really hard”.

“I’m not”, he let go of his hands, putting both of them on each side of his body.

“Yes, you are. You are overthinking. I’m not going to kill them, Robbe”, he looked at the shorter one, “unless they piss me off”, he turned away with a smirk.

“Why are you already thinking they will piss you off? Just give them, _me_ , one chance to prove you wrong. If after a while you feel like you want to fight them, then you can leave and I will never ask you to speak to them ever again”.

Sander stopped walking all of a sudden, drawing Robbe’s attention, making him stop.

“Is it really _that_ important to you?”, he asked.

“Mhmm… I would love for you to get along. You are really important to me and they are also part of my life, so yes. But I don’t want to force things”.

“Okay… let’s do it then”, he resumed his walking.

“What? That’s it?”, he looked at Sander in awe.

“Yeah”, he turned to look at Robbe, who was standing still. “If it’s that important to you, then I’m doing it. Besides, I _think_ I don’t like them but it’s not like I’m sure, I’m just basing my thoughts on every small talk I’ve had with them. Maybe spending an entire afternoon with _‘The Broerrrs’_ ”, he emphasized, “will make me reconsider”.

“Okay…”.

“Now come with me. Or do you want me to carry you?”

Robbe run to him.

\----------

As soon as they arrived, Aaron greeted them with a hug and Robbe could see how Sander was struggling not to laugh out loud. The guy liked to express his feelings that way and it was clear that he liked Sander. A lot, actually.

On the other hand, Moyo acted chill, even as if he was trying to impress Sander with his coolness.

Then there was Jens. He greeted Robbe first and then nodded at Sander, acknowledging his presence. He had a smile on his face so things seemed to be fine. However, it wasn’t like he knew he had been the reason behind the tension that grew some time ago between Robbe and Sander. From Jens perspective, everything between him and Sander was completely fine.

Even if they planned on skating, Robbe didn’t have his skate so they decided to chill. Robbe was sitting on the grass, with Sander laying his head on his legs. The other three boys where sitting on a bench next to them.

“So, Sander, how’s college?”, it was Jens speaking.

“It’s nice... I’m allowed to do a lot more things than when I was in school”.

“That, meaning…?”.

“Meaning I can manage my time and decide more or less what I want to do. I can do things at my own pace”.

“Oh man, I can’t wait to get to college. College girls are way prettier”, Aaron said.

“What the fuck?”, Robbe laughed.

“Yeah, you know, they are more mature”.

“Who told you that?”.

“I don’t know Robbe, it’s something people say”.

“Oh okay, it’s a highly reliable source we are talking about then”.

The laugh Sander let out at that, draw the attention from the other boys and Moyo took that as an opportunity to talk to him.

“Sander, I think you’ll be able to confirm the myth”.

“I don’t know guys, it’s not like I have checked. I don’t go through the corridors checking girls out to see if they are prettier than my classmates at school”.

“I don’t believe that”, Jens said.

“Well it’s not really my duty to prove your beliefs wrong, right?”. Robbe looked at him, trying to decipher how he was feeling with all of this.

“How can you not check them out?”, Moyo said.

“I know people are good looking, yes, and that’s it. I don’t compare. That’s really stupid”.

“But is it easier to get laid?”, Aaron looked at Sander intrigued.

“Aaron why the fuck are you asking him about his sex life?”, Robbe intervened, a nervous laugh creeping in. It’s not like he didn’t know Sander was getting laid, but he didn’t feel like listening to that right in that moment, especially considering how he was feeling towards Sander. He just didn’t want that picture in his mind.

“If you let go of all that prejudices, then yeah Aaron, it’s easier”, Sander said.

“Looking the way you do, it _has_ to be easier”, he responded.

“Are you hitting on him now?”, Robbe laughed.

“It seems like it”, Jens said.

“What?”, he looked at them confused.

Of course, Aaron was already on another planet. He was looking at Amber, the girl he had been obsessing over for at least four months. She was walking towards them with the rest of the girls. Once they greeted them, Jana was the first one to speak after sitting beside Jens.

“So, what are we doing for Robbe’s birthday?”, she looked at the taller one, just like he was the only one there, or at least like she only cared about his response. Robbe could sense there was a thing there. He could see it in the way she was looking at Jens, because that was probably the same way he looked at Sander.

“What do you mean ‘what are _we_ doing’? I thought we were going out on our own, you know, boys’ night and all”, Moyo answered looking at her, confused.

“Why wouldn’t you want us there, Moyo?”, Amber asked, sitting on the grass along with Zoë.

“I want to have a night out without you trying to interfere in everything I do”.

“You mean with your lames intents at flirting”, Luca was speaking now. She gained some silent laughs from the girls.

“Whatever, I just don’t want you there”, Moyo looked at her and seeing the way Amber was a little confused, Zoë made a move.

“Robbe, what to do you want to do?”, she smiled at him and everyone turned their heads towards him.

Robbe was caught off guard. To be real, he was too focused on the look Britt was giving Sander to care about anything else. Britt was somehow of a new addition to the girl squad and had never met Sander before. By the look on her face, it was clear to Robbe she was kind of flabbergasted to say the least. That, drove him crazy. Why was she being so obvious? She had been looking at the Sander from the moment they arrived there, and it was so irritating.

Robbe could tell Britt would want to jump into Sander’s arms the minute she was given a chance, and he didn’t like it. To be fair, he didn’t like her as a whole. Maybe it was because he didn’t really know her and was quickly to judge (something his mother wouldn’t be proud of at all).

Acting from an impulse or maybe because he was pissed off because she wouldn’t take her eyes of Sander, his hand travelled all the way from Sander’s abdomen to his hair, where he stopped and pulled.

Sander, who had been playing with his ring seconds before, looked at him, a bit confused at the sudden move from him, specially considering they were not alone and he thought Robbe didn’t like to show to his friends how they used to be around each other, afraid of them laughing or something along those lines.

“Robbe are you with us?”, Zoë insisted, laughing at the way his friend seemed too focused on something else.

“Yeah. Sorry”, he said, letting go of Sander’s hair, looking at Britt, who was smiling.

“So? What do you think?”.

“I’m sorry. What are we talking about?”, Robbe looked at Zoë with an apologetic look.

“She asked what do you want to do for your birthday”, Sander was speaking now, looking at him.

“Oh. We are going out”, he answered him.

“Can we come?”, Britt spoke for the first time.

Robbe looked at her, and then at the rest of the girls. They were all smiling and even if he wanted to say ‘no’, he had to say ‘yes’. Honestly, it wasn’t a big deal for him, he liked them. But saying ‘yes’ also meant having Britt coming along. Why would he want to invite her, considering there was a high possibility she would take advantage of the opportunity and approach Sander and flirt with him and who knows what else?

Like being hit by a lightning, he was brought back to reality in a matter of seconds. What was he thinking? Sander was an independent person and he was no one to decide for him. Besides, maybe he was overthinking. Maybe Sander wasn’t interested at all, judging by the way he looked so confused earlier.

“Yeah, it would be fun for sure”, he answered after scolding himself for being so dramatic. Tough he cursed at himself again because, ‘ _fun’? Why would he even say that? It was surely not going to be fun._

“What the fuck Robbe”, Moyo sighed. What the fuck, indeed.

“Don’t worry, I don’t think our presence will make much of a difference given the circumstances”, Yasmina said, looking at him with a smile.

Everyone laughed, including Sander, who was now holding Robbe’s hands, placed on his chest. Robbe snorted, but because of the mess he though the weekend was going to be like.

\----------

Once the boys and the girls left, Sander and Robbe decided to stay a little to catch the sunset. It was a lovely afternoon, a little breeze accompanying them, making it a bit chilly. They were sitting on a bench, having a privileged view of the sun setting.

“This is so beautiful”, Sander said, reasting his head on Robbe’s shoulder.

“I know”.

Robbe was mesmerized by what he was watching. The park was almost empty, giving him the calm and peace he needed. On days like these, before a scene like the one he had in front of him, he couldn’t help but wonder of the marvels of the world, the essence of living, the passing of time and how he couldn’t control any of it, the way lots of people may be looking at the same landscape, wondering about the secrets of it all.

“How is it possible that all of these colours exist? It’s breathtaking”, Sander stopped talking for a moment, taking everything in. “I wish I could capture them now on paper”.

Seeing that the bleached one didn’t have any paper with him, Robbe came up with another option. “You could take a photo of it, and then once you are home, you can draw it”.

Without a word, Sander left Robbe’s shoulder and took his phone from his pocket. In a second, he started snapping photos, not only of the sky, but of Robbe.

“Smile for me, Robbe”, he said, approaching to the boy.

“You are too close”, he tried to push him away, smiling nonetheless.

“You look lovely up close”, he said, earning a defeated look from Robbe, who let his arms fall. “Look at me”, he insisted.

Robbe looked up and everything seemed to make sense to Sander. The place, the sky, the moment. It was all theirs.

\----------

After a while being there, just existing in each other’s presence, the sun already hidden, with them laying on the grass, Sander was the first one to talk.

“I like your friends”.

Robbe turned to look at him, “You like my friends?”.

“Mhmm”, he nodded.

“Wow, that’s new”, Robbe smiled, and move closer, resting his head on Sander’s shoulders.

“Don’t be so surprised...”, he smiled at him, but then it faded, “I have a doubt though”.

“Tell me”.

“How did they react when you told them you like boys”.

“Mhmm so we are getting into that”, he moved, resting his head on his hand, so he could look at Sander from above.

“Yes. I feel like it will determine if I fully like your friends or not…”.

“Then... I don’t know. At first, it was like they didn’t even listen... like it was some kind of a joke to them, except for-”

“Jens”, Sander completed.

“Yes”, Robbe looked down.

“It’s okay, I get it”, he touched Robbe’s wrist. And now?”

“Now what”, Robbe looked at him.

“How are things now?”.

“Oh. I think they are starting to understand. I think they’ll get it completely once I start dating someone”.

“Mhmm”, Sander nodded, “maybe”.

Robbe shrugged. “Why are you thinking so hard, Sander?”.

“I don’t know…”, he looked at him. “I want you to be happy”.

“I am”, Robbe got up so he could sit. “You don’t need to worry that much”.

“I do”, Sander sat in front of Robbe, their knees touching.

“Why is that?”

“Because I care about you”, the older one furrowed his eyebrows.

“I know…”, he moved his hand as to touch Sander’s face, right there where he was frowning. “What’s your fear? I can see your mind running”.

Sander looked at him with half a smile “I don’t want you to suffer, I don’t want someone to break your heart”.

“Isn’t heartbreak a way of learning what you want and what you don’t?”, Robbe whispered, “A way for you to realise what you really care for?”.

“Yes, a cruel way, I would say”.

“Then, if that happens, I have you”, he squeezed his thighs.

“What if I’m the one to break it?”.

“Would you?”.

“I wouldn’t want to”.

“Then don’t”.

They looked at each other for a second, trying to guess what the other was thinking.

“What’s your fear, Robbe?”.

“For you to break my heart”, he gave Sander half a smile.

Sander looked at him like he was in pain, and Robbe couldn’t bear the thought of him being the cause of it, so he decided to ease the mood.

“You know… one of my friends was looking at you earlier… like checking you out”, he said, “Britt”.

“What?”, Sander looked actually confused.

“Yes. Didn’t you notice? It was so obvious; she was looking at you the entire time”.

“Oh... I didn’t notice”.

“Well, maybe if you go out with us for my birthday you can find out what was going on with her”, he suggested, cursing himself internally for doing so.

“Mhmm”, Sander looked at him, doubtful, “why are you saying that?”

“I don’t know, I guess I want you to have a good time”, he shrugged.

“I can have a good time being with you”, he raised his eyebrows.

Robbe laughed at him. “What are you suggesting Driesen?”

“That’s up to you”, he rested his hands on his thighs.

“Stop”, Robbe put his hands on top of Sander’s.

“What?”

“You know what”, he looked at his hands.

“Are you getting nervous? Am _I_ making you nervous Robbe?”, he was containing his smile.

“Never”.

“Then what’s troubling you?”, he moved his hands higher, moving Robbe’s hands along.

“Nothing”, Robbe looked at Sander and smiled.

“Oh… okay”, he moved his hands again, his eyes fixed on Robbe’s.

It was like they were having a war, trying to discover who could last longer. Sander moved his hands a little further, earning a hiss from Robbe. That’s when he stopped. Robbe looked at him, his face as read as it could be.

“Oh…so this”, Sander looked at his hands and then smirked at Robbe, looking at him as if he knew something. “You are so cute”, he said, “and embarrassed”.

Robbe was looking at the grass, “You know”, he raised his head to look at the older one, “I’m not emotionless. Of course I’m going to react if you touch me like that”.

“I didn’t say a thing”, he kept smiling.

“Tell that to your face. You look so full of yourself right now”.

“Yesterday you told me you were the one percent that wouldn’t fall for me, I’m just trying to prove you wrong”.

“Shut up already”, he removed the older one’s hands from his legs and stood up, reaching out to a laughing Sander. “We are leaving, come”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise!! Sorry it's been so long; college is ending me. Anyways, it’s been a year since Robbe tried and failed to turn on the stove huh? Happy anniversary to that (and to their love)!!  
> Thank you for reading, commenting, leaving kudos, EVERYTHING. As always, you make me really happy 💛 Let me know what you think is going to happen, I love reading you!!  
> (I’m still on tumblr if you need anything, don’t hesitate! petiterobbe 👻).


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise!! I'm back... I’m sorry it took me so long. I’ve been really busy and didn’t have the time I needed to write. I’m back with the longest chapter yet so enjoy!!

Robbe had a really ambiguous relationship with his birthday. Sometimes he hated it, sometimes he loved it. Truth is, he was one hundred percent sure he was going to regret this one.

Ever since he said yes to the girl’s offer of them going out together, he’d been thinking of an excuse not to go. It wasn’t that he didn’t like them, he just wasn’t particularly interested in going out with Britt and having to keep up with her trying to flirt with the guy he was into, who also happened to be his best friend, and a too kind of a human being to actually reject her as Robbe would want him to. Or maybe he wouldn’t reject her because he also liked her. Either way, he was not happy. At all.

He heard a knock on the door, which helped him get out of his trance, “Robbe?”, it was his mother calling.

“Mum”.

“May I come in?”

“Sure”.

He watched as she opened the door, a huge smile on her face.

“Happy birthday, son”, she moved quickly and let herself fall next to him on bed.

“Thank you”, he hugged her, hiding his face on her neck, “I love you, you know that, right?”.

“I know”, she said, squeezing his cheek. “I love you more”.

Robbe didn’t say a thing, hoping his smile could do the talking.

“We should stay like this all morning”, he suggested, starting to fall asleep in his mother’s arms.

“Mhmm perhaps we should, baby”, she started touching his hair, “but we need to eat first”.

“And then we can skip the world and just sleep?”, he asked, giving her puppy eyes.

“And then we can skip the world and just sleep, indeed”, she smiled at him and forced him to get out of bed and move into the kitchen.

\----------

Turns out the “skipping the world” plan only lasted for two hours or so, until Sander and his mother knocked at the door.

The first thing Robbe saw when he opened to let them in was Sander’s smile, which was quickly replaced by the sight of two arms moving towards him.

“Happy birthday, Robbe”, Sander’s mum shouted, wrapping him in a tight hug. He could see Sander laughing behind her.

“Thank you”, Robbe chuckled.

“Mum you are suffocating him”, Sander laughed, trying to move his mother’s arms away from Robbe.

Once she let go of him, Sander wrapped his arms around his waist immediately, resting his head on the crook of Robbe’s neck. Being like that, the boy could feel Sander was smiling.

“I was the one suffocating him?”, Sander’s mother said. “Okay”, she looked at Robbe’s mum, “let’s leave them here, I have a lot to tell you”, she said and Robbe watched as she grabbed his mother’s wrist, taking her to the kitchen.

Sander turned to them, still hugging the younger one, waiting for them to leave the room. Once they were the only ones there, he decided to speak.

“Happy birthday”, he looked at him, “baby”, he let go at that and started running towards Robbe’s room.

“I’m so tired of you”, Robbe followed quickly, trying to catch him.

Once Sander got to the door, he turned around, making Robbe, who was right behind him, bump into him.

“Are you sure?”, he said.

“Huh?”.

“Mhmm, I guessed so”, he said with a smirk and opened the door without turning, still looking at Robbe, apparently enjoying the way the younger boy was so lost. “I got you something”, he said, sitting on Robbe’s bed.

“What is it?”, Robbe sat right beside him.

“Here”, Sander handed him a piece of paper he took from his bag.

As soon as he grabbed it, Robbe knew what he was looking at. He could even listen to Sander´s words in his head. _“How is it possible that all of these colours exist? It’s breathtaking”_ and an innocent plea, _“Smile for me Robbe…”_.

It was a drawing. A beautiful one. Unlike any other Robbe had seen before, this one was full of colours. He could feel the breeze of that day, just by looking at the way the trees were drawn, the sun setting, hitting his face just a bit, making him blush.

He could see two figures there, and he assumed it was them, not really knowing if Sander meant to draw them, two friends with a lot of words unspoken. They were looking at each other, and even if Robbe could only see their profiles and some shadows, he could picture himself there, trying to communicate with a look what was so hard to say out loud.

He found himself caressing the drawing, noticing that maybe he had spent some extra time looking at it, without saying a single word. He looked at Sander, who was already looking at him, his eyes with a spark that let Robbe know the boy was curious.

“So…”, Sander raised his eyebrows at him, waiting for him to say something.

“So…”, Robbe stood up and left the drawing on his desk. He then sat down beside Sander, but that didn’t last long, because the last thing he knew, Robbe was throwing himself at Sander’s arms. “I love it so much”, his words were muffled by Sander’s hoodie, as Robbe had his head hidden on the other boy’s shoulder.

“You do?”, Sander caressed Robbe’s back, trying to get him to look at him.

“I do”, apparently the younger one got the signal because he moved so he could look at the artist.

“I’m glad you do then. I didn’t know if you would like it, but I thought that maybe this way I would be able to capture that moment”, he looked at Robbe, “it is us”, he smiled.

“We are really looking into each other’s souls in your drawing, huh”, Robbe smiled at him.

“Looking at you always helps me, so yeah, I guess we are”.

“Looking into my soul?”, Robbe laughed.

“Robbe if I could do so I wouldn’t have this much doubt in me”, he smiled.

“Doubt about what?”.

“About how you feel”.

Sander regretted saying those words the moment they came through his mouth, but he was soon saved by his mother knocking at the door.

“Hey, even if I love talking to Robbe’s mother, I actually came here to talk with the boy, so please, Sander, release him”, she said.

Robbe stood up as soon as he heard that, opening the door.

“There you are”, Sander’s mother said, wrapping Robbe in a hug. “So, what are you guys doing tonight to celebrate?”.

“Well, I think we are going out, but nothing too crazy”, Robbe answered, and turned to look at Sander, who was already standing up, “Right?”.

“Right, nothing too crazy”, the bleached one answered.

\----------

Sander’s definition of “nothing too crazy” was, apparently, a bit different from Robbe’s. He thought the boy wanted to go out, maybe grab some drinks and nothing more than that. Instead, he was looking after at a drunk Robbe, dancing, or at least trying to, like his life depended on it.

They were all there. The boys, the girls… Britt, who had been staring at him since the moment he arrived at the club, Robbe by his side. Honestly, she was beautiful, but his mind was already clouded by someone else and had been for a while now.

He was laughing at Robbe’s dancing skills, when he felt someone grabbing him for support. It was Moyo, who smiled at him, and then grabbed Robbe.

“I have an idea”, he said, drawing the attention of the other boys, “let’s go find some girls”, he then looked at Robbe, beside him, “and some boys”, he winked at him.

Sander looked at Robbe and the boy was shocked. His eyes were wide open and it took a drunk Jens almost dragging him to the dance floor where Jana was, to take him out of his amusement. Sander laughed at that, internally happy for Robbe, and followed along.

After a few songs (and drinks), Sander caught Robbe looking out for something, until their eyes met. The boy smiled widely, leaning his head to a side, his eyes a little closed, and started walking towards him.

“I’ve been looking for you”, he said once he reached the place where the older one was standing.

“Well, you found me”, he smiled at him.

“I did”.

In a fast movement, he took Sander’s hand and led them to a place where they could sit. As soon as they landed on some chairs, Robbe leaned his body, as to support all of his weight on Sander.

“I’m tired”, he said, “and drunk”.

“Do you want to leave?”, he asked.

“Only if you want to”, Robbe looked at him and Sander could do nothing more than laugh. “What?”, Robbe smiled.

“It’s your birthday Robbe, you should do what _you_ want to do”.

He seemed to consider it for a moment, “Okay, then I want-”

“What you want is to meet some guy so you can stop clinging on to Sander and let him be”, Jens interrupted, looking at both of them. He then seemed to be scanning the room. “That guy over there is looking at you, and we are going to do something about it”. As none of them said a word, he just took Robbe by the arm and started walking towards who knows where, “You are coming with me”.

Sander was left alone.

\----------

The music was as loud as it could be, his head was spinning around trying to find something or someone to focus on, and his heart was starting to ache.

Most importantly, he felt his body was asking for something. He was starting to feel those things in his stomach, the feeling of knowing he was about to do something bad. The adrenaline in his body was yelling at him to move, to do something about all that, to release.

It didn’t happen all of a sudden. There was a cause for it, or at least some bleached boy dancing with a blonde girl that was making him furious, or jealous, or both. Looking at them dancing together only worsened his need to just go to the older boy and tell him everything.

The pair had been dancing and talking for at least half an hour, and there was no doubt in Robbe that Britt was flirting with Sander, and Sander didn’t look bothered at all by that. Maybe that’s what made Robbe react.

He remembered there was a cute tall boy beside him, who had been trying to make a move since Jens left him there. That’s when he turned to him and smiled, thinking that he could at least get something out of that.

They danced, they talked about nothing and laughed. Still, that wasn’t enough for Robbe, considering how drunk he was and that the feeling in his stomach was still there.

He looked over to check on Sander and yes, he was still talking with Britt. Robbe couldn’t blame him though, the girl was really pretty, always with that perfect look, always composed… and they were nothing alike. He hated that. He hated that his brain always led him to compare himself to the girl.

Too lost in his thoughts, he didn’t notice, at first, that Sander was also looking at him. Once they made eye contact, Robbe tried to smile, as to let him know everything was fine, but Sander didn’t return that smile, and looked at Robbe’s arms, hanging around the other boy’s neck. Robbe noticed, and thought that maybe he should explain to the older one that there was nothing going on with him, but something stopped him. That feeling, the adrenaline, the anger.

Why was he going to give any explanation, if they were nothing more than friends? He didn’t owe Sander an explanation, as Sander didn’t owe him one back about what was going on between him and Britt.

But he could play and see what could happen. He could try to let all that jealousy go, by making Sander jealous. Considering he was drunk, that seemed to be a good idea in his mind.

He looked at the boy and smiled, trying to play innocent. However, he knew deep down this didn’t have to do just with Sander. He knew he was being needy. He hadn’t kiss anyone for so long, he thought maybe this was the night to change that. So he tried, and succeeded.

It felt all kinds of wrongs, but he kept kissing the tall guy here and there, dancing and spinning around with him.

Then he saw Sander kissing Britt. He was kissing her with so much intention, that he just knew. He didn’t want to kiss a girl. Or any boy for that matter. He wanted to be kissed by Sander, lose control, let him take control of him and just hold him the same way he was holding Britt. Or maybe better, closer.

But just thinking about things is not enough to make them happen. Sander was kissing her, and Robbe was still with the taller guy, who was getting even closer to him, making him freak out a little, because that was not what he wanted.

As he tried to leave to catch some air and free himself from that anguish that was almost suffocating him, he realized his mind was somewhere else and the connection between body and brain was not really there, so last thing he knew, he was on the floor.

As he stared up at all of the faces looking at him, he found himself laughing out of embarrassment and the need to get out of there as soon as possible.

“Okay people this is not a fucking show, move”, he heard, and then saw Sander making his way to him. Once he got there, he smiled at him, and Robbe knew he was trying to contain his need to laugh out loud at the view the younger boy was giving him. “Hi”, he said.

“Mind helping me?”.

Sander didn’t say anything, just stretched out his hand for Robbe to take. As soon as he was up and safe in Sander’s arms, he heard a voice coming from behind them.

“It’s okay, I can take it from here”.

Both of them turned and saw the guy Robbe had been dancing with, talking to them.

“Oh, I’m sorry, but I don’t really know you, so you can leave”, Sander spoke first.

“I don’t know you either”, the guy answered. “I’ve been with Robbe the whole night so he is coming with me”, he tried to grab Robbe’s hand but Sander stopped him.

“Oh, right”, he rolled his eyes and continued, “You know… I’ve been with Robbe his entire _life_ ”, he smiled at him, “so I’m asking you again to leave”.

“What the fuck Robbe, do you know this dude?”, he looked at Robbe.

“I do”, he looked at him, “and I’m leaving with him”, he whispered.

As soon as Sander heard that, he pulled Robbe closer and decided the night was over.

\----------

Once they arrived at Robbe’s home, they tried to move around the place without making much noise, so that they wouldn’t wake Robbe’s mother.

“How tired are you?”, Sander asked Robbe as the boy sat on his bed.

“Why?”

“Because you need to get changed and brush your teeth to have a proper sleep”.

“Are you staying?”, Robbe looked at Sander and tried to pull him closer by grabbing his hand.

“I’m not”, he gave in and stood in front of the younger boy.

“Why not?”

“Just because”, he gave him half a smile.

“Augh maybe I should have gone with that other guy after all”, he joked, looking at Sander to catch his reaction.

“Ha. So funny”, he grinned and laid on bed, bringing Robbe with him. The boy laid his head on his chest and stayed there.

After minutes of silence, when Sander was starting to wonder if Robbe had fallen asleep, the boy spoke.

“Did you have a good time with Britt?”, he opened his eyes to look at Sander.

“I guess you could say so, yes”.

Despite his answer, the look on Sander’s face was nothing but confused, maybe because of the sudden question, or maybe because of the way Robbe was looking at him, like he was disappointed.

“I saw you kissing her”, he said and closed his eyes.

“Oh”, Sander said, and he hated himself for that answer, “I saw you kissing that guy too”, he added, looking at him.

“I know”.

“You know?”

“I just wanted a kiss”, he moved so he could sit on bed.

“Well, you got lots of them. I’m sure of that”, Sander sat too.

“I guess I did…”, then, an idea came to mind, “Actually, I don’t know if it was ‘lots of them’ I mean I could kiss you right now”, he suggested.

Sander laughed out loud at his friend’s idea, especially because it caught him off guard. Robbe couldn’t be serious… he was drunk, and drunk people tend to say things without thinking about them much.

“You are out of your mind”, he chuckled, “we are not doing it”.

“Kiss me”, Robbe said, trying to stay serious as he moved closer.

“It’s not happening”, he laughed, trying to stop Robbe from moving closer, using his arm as a barrier, to create some space.

“You were kissing her, so why won’t you kiss me when I ask you to?”, Robbe complained.

“Because you are drunk and-”.

“Do you think I’m ugly?”, Robbe interrupted, “Do you think I’m not a good kisser? I mean I could prove you wrong if that’s the case”, he tried to move closer again, fighting a bit with Sander’s arm.

“Robbe don’t you get it? You are drunk, and this could mess a lot of things up. Let’s just not ruin what we have because of an impulse”. Sander was serious this time.

“Look at me”, Robbe grabbed Sander and tried to recall the conversation they had on his room earlier that day, “I’m letting you look into my soul, and if you are having problems with that, let me be clear”, he put both of his hands on Sander’s face, trying to get him to focus, “This is not an impulse, I like you”, he took his time to look at Sander´s eyes, “and I like you more than a friend would like another friend”.

"I don't want to ruin our friendship”, Sander said and laid his head on top of Robbe’s, “this is really risky", he sighed.

"Ruin it. Now", Robbe grabbed Sander by the chin, trying to get him to look at him.

“You don’t know what you are asking for, huh?”, he smiled, a little hurt.

“It’s just a kiss”, Robbe whispered.

“Robbe you are drunk”.

“And?”

“And you can’t think straight right now… May I remind you why we are here? You just fell on the floor while trying to walk”.

“Okay then promise me something”, Robbe looked at Sander and waited for him to look back.

“What?”, he locked eyes with him.

“Ask me tomorrow if I still want that kiss, please”, he smiled and let him go.

\----------

Sander was aware that him kissing Britt was not something that just happened. He did it on purpose, and he hated himself for that. He didn’t want to kiss Britt, he just wanted Robbe to see, and Britt was there to help him, apparently.

On his way to Robbe’s home, Sander kept thinking about the boy asking him to kiss him, and the amount of self-control it took him to say no.

It’s not like he didn’t want to, because he did, but he knew Robbe was being impulsive and not thinking, even if he said otherwise. Sander was not willing to ruin their relationship because of a drunk impulse. No way.

He could also remember Robbe telling him he liked him. He believed in that, he knew they liked each other, they had been friends for a long time now not to acknowledge they must like each other to keep that bond over time.

The fact that Robbe said he liked him as more than a friend? That was debatable. He told himself he would wait, give Robbe the time he needed, wait for him to just say those words again, without any substance in his system that could make him say things he didn’t want to.

The moment he arrived at Robbe’s house, he was greeted by the boy, with a smile plastered on his sleepy face. Even if Sander hadn’t told Robbe he would visit him, the boy already knew it was going to happen.

“Sander”, he said and grabbed his hand.

“Robbe”, he replied, laughing as Robbe guided them to the kitchen.

“Grab whatever you want to eat”, he said and stayed there, looking as Sander grabbed some cookies.

When Sander looked at Robbe, he met a wondering smile, with a pair of eyes that were lost in some thought he wasn’t sure he was allowed to learn about.

“Come”, Robbe said and with a movement of his head he gestured for Sander to follow him to his room.

The afternoon went as expected: they watched some series, laughed and talked about the night before. However, there was one topic that was being avoided on purpose by both of them.

That was until, after a moment of silence, Robbe decided he was the one who needed to speak about it.

“Do you believe people are meant to find each other?”, he asked Sander.

“In what sense?”, he looked at Robbe.

“In every possible sense…”, he looked at the older one, “I mean soulmates”.

He kept silent and Sander could see how he was still thinking about it.

“You know, Aristophanes, when asked about love, talked about a myth that said that there were originally three types of people, made out of two people each, meaning they had two faces, four arms, four legs…”.

By that time, Sander was confused to say the least, but he let him continue.

“One day, Zeus decided to cut them in half, as a way of weakening them, given they were too powerful, and, therefore, a threat to the gods. From that day on, every human on Earth lives in hopes of finding its other half, making every effort necessary to do so, calling back their soulmate, the other person that was meant to be with each one of them, as they once were one. Once they meet, they try to stay together, trying to make one out of them both, healing the wound caused by Zeus, never wanting to be apart…”, he stopped for a second. “What I’m trying to say is that each of us, according to Aristophanes, have a matching half, and we are always seeking that half… And that would be love… that desire of finding that other half that’s missing… to be one together”.

Sander couldn’t believe the love those words held, and the way Robbe talked about it. He was mesmerized and he knew there was nothing he could say that would compare to what he had just heard.

“So… do you believe people are meant to find each other?”, Robbe asked again.

Sander didn’t know what to answer. He wasn’t sure, so he went with the first thing that came to mind the moment Robbe started talking, the only thing he could picture when the other boy talked about love.

“Well, I found you, didn’t I?”, he said.

“You did”, Robbe smiled, “and I found you”.

Robbe moved and sat on Sander’s lap like they were used to. He rested his forehead on Sander’s.

“I want to ask you something”, he whispered, almost as he didn’t want anyone to hear, not even Sander.

“Tell me”.

“I kind of remember you promised me something yesterday”, he said and Sander noticed he was a bit embarrassed by the way he moved.

“Kind of?”, Sander said, teasing.

“I remember”, Robbe chuckled.

“I kind of remember too”, he said.

“What did you promise me, then?”.

As he was not getting an answer from Sander, Robbe started playing with the other boy’s hoodie, in hopes of distracting himself.

“You told me to ask you if you still want a kiss”.

Robbe looked at him and was surprised by the way Sander looked. He was blushing and trying to hide himself, his eyes were watery and he looked like he was afraid of Robbe’s reaction. The younger one grabbed his face.

“Look at me”, he searched for his eyes.

Sander raised his head and looked at him, waiting for Robbe to continue.

“Are you going to ask me?”

Sander lowered his eyes and found Robbe’s necklace, hiding in between some layers of clothing. Looking for comfort of some kind, he grabbed it and focused on it.

“Sander”, Robbe called, “what are you so afraid of?”.

“Of letting go… and losing you because of this”, he answered but didn’t look up.

“It’s just a kiss… How would you lose me?”

“There are so many ways, Robbe”.

The younger boy was starting to get angry, because he couldn’t understand why things were so difficult. Maybe Sander wasn’t even into him like that, and he was just making up excuses, but he needed to know, he needed to try and get some words out of him.

“Then I’ll kiss you, if you are so afraid. That way you won’t have to feel guilty of anything after”.

Sander didn’t answer, so Robbe grabbed him by the neck and without thinking much he closed the distance… and then, emotions took control.

It was not hard to tell that Robbe had initiated the kiss, however, it was Sander who couldn’t get enough of it. He pulled the boy closer to him, even if it was almost impossible, almost as he wanted to prove Robbe that what Aristophanes once said could be real, that they could’ve been one.

Robbe could feel the way Sander was touching him, treating him with such delicacy, little touches almost meant for them only. He was creating a space where they were the only ones existing, apart from every inch of fear or doubt in their minds.

It felt like they belonged there, to that moment. Their lips connecting with such ease, it seemed they had already kiss before, even if it was in dreams.

As time passed by, the love that was floating around them started to turn into something more, something a bit more dangerous, that felt like trespassing some imaginary limit they had somehow established in some point of their relationship, despite how close they were, how eager they were to keep going every time. That limit, that fear of ruining something, was still there.

Robbe grabbed Sander’s waist to pull him closer, trying to merge their bodies, to feel him in ways he had never felt him before.

Sander breathed into the kiss and felt the way Robbe gave himself to him, losing every control he had over himself.

“Was it that difficult?”, he whispered once Sander let go and started kissing his neck.

The older boy knew Robbe was losing it, by the way his voice sounded so low, by the way he was moving, like he was dancing to their mouth’s rhythm, by the way he was touching him, like he was trying to discover some new territory, known only by a few.

That’s when he had to stop it. He tried to put some distance between them but apparently Robbe was not willing to let go, and in the middle of that desperation, he tried to get hold of Sander by biting his lip, which was not a good idea at all.

Sander closed his eyes trying to contain the pain and not let it show, but Robbe was already feeling guilty.

“I’m so sorry”, he grabbed Sander’s face to check on his lips, “That wasn’t part of my plan. I’m sorry”.

“Your plan?”, Sander asked.

“I wanted to show you I’m a good kisser”, he said. “That way, maybe you’ll want to keep kissing me”.

Sander laughed at that.

“You are such a baby”, he caressed Robbe’s cheek, gaining a smile from the boy.

Once Robbe was sure Sander was okay, he added, “Are you going to admit I’m a good kisser or are you going to avoid that?”.

Sander laughed again.

“Why are you laughing?”, Robbe asked.

“I need to go”, Sander whispered.

“Already? Are you afraid this will turn into something more?”, Robbe raised his eyebrows, teasing.

Sander remained silent because of course he was afraid, indeed. He didn’t want to turn that moment into a one-night stand. He knew he could prevent that, so why risk it all?

As he wasn’t getting any answer, Robbe stood up so Sander could do the same, and headed to the door. On his way there he turned to look at Sander, who was now standing.

“You. Are. Such. A. Coward”, he said, narrowing his eyes.

The next thing he knew, was that he was stuck in between the door and Sander’s body. He couldn’t even look at the artist’s eyes because he was already closing his, the moment he felt their lips meeting once again.

The words none of them could get out, the feelings they couldn’t define, were all expressed in that kiss. It was messy, desperate, with some smiles getting in the middle, but it was theirs.

Sander grabbed Robbe by the hair to make some distance.

“That’s it. I’m not a coward. Don’t try me”, and he kissed him again, just to make sure Robbe understood. “I’m leaving”, he pushed Robbe aside as gently as he could and opened the door.

“See you tomorrow?”, Robbe asked.

Sander laughed at the way the boy looked. His hair, his clothes, his entire being was a mess.

“I’m sure you will… You still need to prove to me how good of a kisser you are”, he smiled and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking with me. I hope you are healthy and okay. As always, you can let me know what you think in the comments, I love reading you!! Once again, THANK YOU for the comments, kudos, and reading.
> 
> PS: Aristophanes’ words are from Plato’s Symposium. I swear every speech in there is worth the time.


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